I'm jealous of your bromance
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
