i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize