I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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