If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
