Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
