Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have demons in me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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