i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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