Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
