Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
