I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
