i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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