I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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