You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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