If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
