he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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