i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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