just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
