I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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