dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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