She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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