I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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