Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
