Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
