I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
