I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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