i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
