I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
