we have officially lost it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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