youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
