there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
