i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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