Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wear drunk well.
Randomize