I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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