im six kinds of drunk right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
