it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
