so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
