he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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