Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
