I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
