You made me cry and you don't even care
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
