Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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