Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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