Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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