Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
