I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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