i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
