Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
