Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize