Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
