Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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