A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
