Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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