I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
