Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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