But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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