haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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