Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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