Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
