i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
