Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
