Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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