People in love make me want to vomit
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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