i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize