Kiss
Puke
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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