You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
