So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
