Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
