operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
