ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
