I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
