Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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