Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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