i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
