Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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