I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
