I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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