you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
