I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
