Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
